Lonely? Need a friend? Purchase a Stoned Turtle for just 10% of your revenue

[stoned turtle]

Are you tired of picking peaches by yourself? Are you tired of getting caught alone at meth lab? Do you need a scape goat for when you fail the bank? 

Look no further. 

For just 10% of your activities revenue, you can rent me for your activity! 
 

Look forward to an amazing experience featuring : 

• A huge playlist of amazing songs to play via vehicle or direct chat
• Proven to be a great distraction by being clinically retarded
• Creative insults for when we get caught by the cops (Christmas gift from Badabing, anyone?)
• Need to be flown somewhere? No problem! I've been watching the pilots in the Ukranian/Russian war, I know how to fly 15m above ground to avoid AA and maximize chances of vdming someone. 

REVIEWS

"Stoned Turtle distracted the cops by flashing his dick and helped us escape from meth lab!" - @D. Grinch

"Stoned Turtle has a litty playlist, ask about Taco Bell!" - @a black person

"Stoned Turtle drove me to the brink of F11 irl with his insults" - @EDGE eGAMER

"Stoned Turtle was willing to stand in the open and get 1 tapped by andyr to prove he was cheating, will use again!" - @FilipinoBusinessman

"Stoned Turtle was able to help us take down Farmersville and stop the illegal weed trade!" - @Leroy Jenkins

"Stoned Turtle was able to help me find a new home for my Tempest, he's the best!" - @Nikkii


 

Find out today why Stoned Turtle is the #1 rent-a-friend service that Asylum has to offer! 

Edited February 6, 2023 by stoned turtle

[Nikkii]

i did not approve this message lol 

[Randoe on yt]

i also approve this message

[Ryman]

where do i apply

 

[cake39]

lol that is funny. has someone tried it already?