If you like History

[_Peter]

Super off-topic, but if you're interested in history look this over.

I've been working on starting a blog and wanted a couple opinions on my first post.

It's about a US Navy Ship that blew up in 1898.

I'd appreciate any helpful feedback on the post or blog itself as I'm really new to this. 

www.intheworld.us

Thanks

[Ronald]

I can't read but the layout looks nice

[Dylan123]

Nice !

[Sr_Sinful]

Layout is nice and all but from an English perspective it's not that great. You add a lot of unnecessary phrases, and when you report about something as factual as history you should avoid using the first person (then again this is a blog), but the former is the most egregious of the offenses. A couple of examples of this is when you say "The specific one I wanted to talk about today" or "Whichever side you choose to stand with." In fact, this whole sentence is irritating to read: "A majority would claim this was a pretty new development that came along with the 2016 US election, but many don't realize that this is false," because it can be condensed immensely. The reason those phrases/sentence are so annoying to read is because they don't add anything to the conversation. You can tell a phrase is useless if you remove it from the sentence and it still makes perfect sense, or it just flat out adds no value. 

Sorry if I was too critical, but the English teacher in me couldn't help myself. Pretty well made though from a technical point of view. Other than all the English stuff, good job

 

[_Peter]

Just now, Sr_Sinful said:

Layout is nice and all but from an English perspective it's not that great. You add a lot of unnecessary phrases, and when you report about something as factual as history you should avoid using the first person (then again this is a blog), but the former is the most egregious of the offenses. A couple of examples of this is when you say "The specific one I wanted to talk about today" or "Whichever side you choose to stand with." In fact, this whole sentence is irritating to read: "A majority would claim this was a pretty new development that came along with the 2016 US election, but many don't realize that this is false," because it can be condensed immensely. The reason those phrases/sentence are so annoying to read is because they don't add anything to the conversation. You can tell a phrase is useless if you remove it from the sentence and it still makes perfect sense, or it just flat out adds no value. 

Sorry if I was too critical, but the English teacher in me couldn't help myself. Pretty well made though from a technical point of view. Other than all the English stuff, good job

 

Thanks for the advice. I chose to use first person because I was going for a more informal blog post, but it's definitely something to consider.

As far as some long, unnecessary sentences go, I will make sure to read through a tad bit more carefully next time. I tend to be a little too repetitive and wordy when I write. 

Thanks for the advice!

[_Peter]

@Sr_Sinful Edits Made

[Sr_Sinful]

Just now, _Peter said:

@Sr_Sinful Edits Made

Much better; nice job. The body of the blog post is a lot stronger now imo and the intro is much less shaky. 

[_Peter]

Also if there any suggestions for what you want to see in the future I'd love those!

[_Peter]

Post 2: http://www.intheworld.us/2017/07/a-jewel-on-lake-with-ties-to-1812.html

Last time I'm linking on the forums.

 

Thanks for all the support and advice!