Twang

For those participated in the event, I thank you.  Here were the best jokes: 
Because @Ba-KA : 
 

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/188145390?t=02m42s

Well enjoy the Funny the highlight,
@Deazy Johnson @TripleSeven @Arty Thip @Arty

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/188145390?t=02m42s

Well enjoy the Funny the highlight,
@Deazy Johnson @TripleSeven @Arty Thip @Arty

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/188145390?t=02m42s

Well enjoy the Funny the highlight,
@Deazy Johnson @TripleSeven @Arty Thip @Arty

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/188145390?t=02m42s

Well enjoy the Funny the highlight,
@Deazy Johnson @TripleSeven @Arty Thip @Arty

the timing. p e r f e c t

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/188145390?t=02m42s

Well enjoy the Funny the highlight,
@Deazy Johnson @TripleSeven @Arty Thip @Arty

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/188145390?t=02m42s

Well enjoy the Funny the highlight,
@Deazy Johnson @TripleSeven @Arty Thip @Arty

I'm so sorry for all of this, but there is so MUCH NEWS today. It's just a fast Drama day.

Who could ever hate this man? Who could ever be mean to such an innocent man?
Today, @KrazyKnight (Guy in the picture above) and his fellow American @Sandwich have been getting a lot of hate. Such as racism being shown towards them. His Twitch livestream chat is constantly filled with hatred towards, Mexicans, Jews, and many other types of races. We need to go to his Stream and show him that the people of Asylum are good people and not toxic! Make a change today! Click this to be redirected to his Stream (This is not a paid advertisement)
We here at DramaAlert reached out to KrazyKnight attempting to get an interview, but we unfortunately got no response. Likely, due to the fact that he is burnt over the fact that he was being online bullied.

That's all we've got for you tonight, we hope that you've enjoyed DramaAlert and always remember to keep "Dabbing on them haters"
DRAMAALERT NATION NOW OVER 18 LIKES
 

NASA ran out of funding. Sorry guys! 

This is a fish right?  
 

Finished my homework early today and found some funny stuff
Edit: The context of the C4 thing was I was pretending it was a cell phone

Hey guys!

Firstly, I wanted to thank everyone for all the support you've given me, and per popular request I have submitted another Altis Life tutorial video! This is one people have been waiting for me to upload for ages as meth is the ultimate money-maker, so here it is in all its glory! I will be making additional videos on a complete beginner's guide as well as a crank tutorial, but for now here you go. Remember to like, comment and subscribe for more content and again, if we reach 50 LIKES, 50 SHARES and 50 SUBS I will be giving away 300K in arma money as well as a FULL CRATE of ephedra! Thanks again guys and I appreciate you checking me out!!
 
 
 

Black phone wins! The fight was a success thanks @Gnashes

Massive road block material 

The reason we compare things to running meth is that, as the highest priced illegal item, meth is designed to be the ultimate "money maker" in the Asylum world(s).  Also, a common refrain on the forums is "I'd rather run meth than do (fill in the blank)".  It's a known quantity among most players, so it's easy to use as a comparison.  
Make sense?

It'll probably look better at night rather than have a bright phone pop up, look at the old phone at night 

heard that the old black one was too small for the UI, ready to go in paa format below
@Gnashes @bamf
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B7j05gy0JEyuVGxidk1nM2lMSGM
 

Quick patch while I look at some more things:  
All jets and UAVs are 50% more expensive AT/AA static launchers and the Darter Drone should no longer clean up earlier than expected Draft payments should operate more as intended now Potential fix to a bug related to the garage Exploit fixes There will likely be a hotfix later tonight as well.  
Hotfix 1:
Passing cash to another player should actually give them the money now Rearming will proceed to 100% instead of 95% Holstering weapons may work Admins will have the ability to patch the server more cleanly going forward (after this patch) Hotfix 2:
Added a "runway" of sorts on Malden for BluFor.  I'm still working on fixing the aircraft carrier, but let's see if this helps BluFor for now.   Fixed a bug related to handing money to someone else (hopefully for real this time). Fixed an exploit related to restoring capture points. During periods of imbalance, you can no longer pull armor or aircraft. Fixed a bug related to crew vehicle payouts. Added the ability to re-arm on the OpFor ocean spawn on Malden

https://gyazo.com/62565d6a0f2eedf3c1e68309f9edef01

So should I get more than 30k if I kill 70+ people and cap 4-5 bases and defend 7-8?
The fact that you even get 30k for killing 1 person is a bit ridiculous.
Most games last ~3+ hours, winning should net you 100+, regardless of your kill count, should take into account the amount of time in which you've been on the server.
(I speak from person experience, killed 70+ people, capped and defended multiple bases and then swapped to find I got 30k for a win).

What are you on about Sean?  The jets in Strife weren't functioning quite as expected, so we tweaked it a touch.  Has zero to do with Life.  You're upset that we took feedback from the community and tried to make something better?

It's been quite some time since we have changed things up on the Asylum, but I feel that now is the time to do so.  I remember when I started playing here that my favorite thing to do was to run around with friends and cause mayhem by robbing everyone in sight.  At it's core, this is a cops and robbers game.  With that being said, I give you Asylum 8.0.  
The map felt stale to me, so the 8 chain will include lots of map changes going forward.  First off, the major illegal areas (heroin, cocaine, and meth) will all rotate going forward.  While the original positions are still included, there are alternate locations for all of these activities.  That means gathering and processing can and will happen in different locations at random on each restart (kind of like cartels).  Each drug has two spots for now, and gathering and processing locations have been chosen to have similar round trip times to what they are currently.  This means that all three of drug locations could end up on the west or east side of Altis in a given server restart.  I hope you'll enjoy the new locations, and I also hope you'll enjoy a chance to rob people again as they try the new spots out.  
Another thing that I have always felt we were lacking was the ability to manufacture drugs in other remote locations of the map, so we are introducing the mobile meth (crank) lab.  Crank is a new illegal item added into the game that is manufactured via an RV that is purchasable at Rick's RV shop in Sofia, as well as both chop shops.  Crank is made of all the same ingredients as meth, but is not quite as potent - and therefore not worth quite as much.  Take your ingredients and RV to a remote location, and do your best Walter and Jessie impression.  Be aware though that processing crank has risks - your RV will send smoke into the air, and the smoke means that you can be killed by the rival drug lords on the island.  The RV has a slightly larger trunk than a box truck, so while RVs can certainly be used to manufacture crank - it doesn't necessarily mean that the vehicle is being used for illegal activities.  Make sure to thank @Phantom Viper for doing the skin for the new RV!
The Altis government finally got funding to build a second bridge to the island near Pyrgos, and with that they have decided to move the prison back to that island.  There is new construction on the island, but the method for breaking people out of the prison remains unchanged.  Hack the power, lock pick the doors, hack the computer, and open up those gates.  @TheCrestedPenguin did the new prison design - make sure to thank him for his efforts to get the prison back where the community wanted it.  (Note: Prison guards now spawn across the street and not behind you)
Are you a good helicopter pilot?  Do you like sling loading large vehicles?  If so, then say hello to an old friend - the Taru.  If you want to fly the Taru though, you will need Rotorlib (with Stress Damage) enabled.  If you don't have what it takes, don't sit in the pilot or co-pilot seat of a Taru.  
APD officers, are you tired of the light system you have on your cars?  If so, you'll be happy to know that the APD has upgraded it's light system substantially.  Thank Lt. @Destrah for helping the government find the funding to get new lights!   (Note: press Tab while driving to bring up the new light controls)
Other additions etc: 
The Asylum Exchange has been brought back.  Since this doesn't seem to be the cause of the BE kicks, and the game server is now 64-bit - we will give this another shot.   Bounties will be persistent going forward.  Bounty hunters will have the ability to drop a bounty every 5 minutes. Spike strips can now be instantly deployed via the hotkey. The scroll wheel option has been disabled as a result. Additionally, spike strips can be thrown from a vehicle, which will result in the spike strip being placed behind your vehicle. Multi-color Smokes/Chemlights in cop shops Fixed redburger talent Binocs now properly show UC names Added a boat shop and garage to DP10 Various bug and exploit fixes One final thing, Anthony Kiedis is a big fan of Kavala
Hotfix 1:
Starting up the lab on an RV will now allow you to process and access trunks and crates without having to soft log etc. Chem lights should be available for both cops and civs now Hotfix 1a:
Fixed a few exploits related to crank Crank can no longer be cooked inside industrial sheds Hotfix 2:
Exploit fixes related to crank production SWAT spawn points changed for new prison location Destrah made a few additional tweaks to cop lights Hotfix 3:
Weed should now spawn and be able to be gathered again (oops) Fixed additional exploits in the crank system Hotfix 4:
Additional crank exploit fixes The crank lab now persists through restarts as a crank lab (and not a box truck)  
Hotfix 5:
The Strife server has been brought back online.   Server driven events will fire on the Altis islands drafting you to war in Strife on Tanoa.  Go play Strife for 15 minutes or more, and you will receive $20,000 in bonus pay. Level 4 donors may now purchase and wear the Wetsuit [CSAT].  

Its like Skype but better we use it as a backup for Team Speak and to chat with the community you can also get fast comp by typing !comp in any channel.
At least one Asylum admin will be there (me)
https://discord.gg/sXh63Gp
 
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I can not disagree one bit. What can we conclude here? Fuck this generation