Jump to content

My "Introduction"


Emma

Recommended Posts

I guess that's a word to call it, an introduction for someone who has been around since February of 2016. I've seen the ups and downs of this community, made good friends (Love all of you guys) and made enemies as well (Fuck all you guys). The ups were good, the downs sucked, and everything in the middle was a mosh pit of jokes, laughing, giggling, dying, one taps, dying some more, and 3rd person peeking on bank... Dying was a common thing for me during my Asylum days, and it made it a lot of fun. I joined the server nearly 2 years ago and it was a blast, it was new and ArmA was a really cool game. I had a brand new gaming computer that I built myself and I was proud of it and it's been right there during the shit that's gone down on this server. The APD was one of the best things for me to take on, it was fun, it was serious, and I've learned a few things along the way and made some very close acquaintances and enemies all the same. I started playing under the alias Patrick James, my first name and my middle name, then started copying names from ArmA 3 AI like Andrew MacKinnon to name one of the ones I still recall. Then I started going by Padric, my Irish variation of my name as well as a last name that was so fucking hard to pronounce and spell, I didn't have the time to copy/paste it. But this isn't about the role I put on but the mask I've worn for many years of my life. Last May, after a long struggle of self identity, questions, crying, more crying, and nights where I couldn't sleep, it finally came clear to me and the closet door opened so to speak... I came out, and it was even more crying, questions, and long nights after that because fear of the unknown sucks. I didn't come out as gay or bisexual, something that our society is coming to understand and accept more and more, I came out as transgender... I came out as Emma... and goddamn it was both a relief and an overwhelming sense of what's next. For a few months I went to see a therapist to discuss my life and who I saw myself as and more importantly, who I wanted to be. My next goal was hormones, it was a long, scary road with fluffy clouds and rainbows at the end, I just had to get there and finally, I did. On September 19, 2017, I began my official transition from Patrick to Emma and it's been eye opening for me to say the least. We often bash people with depression, who are gay or bi or many of the other sexuality, who believe themselves to be this gender or that gender. We say that they have mental disorders or are less of a person and should be treated as such and we often treat them as lesser individuals. We treat people who have no idea who they are as a physical person and make them feel even less so, driving them to do unspeakable things to themselves and those around them. I'm not making a plea for everyone to be nice to others, but to keep this Forum clean and keep the shit I've already heard out of this chat. I'm opening up to this community because everyone here (mostly) has crossed my path once in-while and we've shared experiences that I still remember to this day. At the end of the day, Asylum was my family for 1,500 hours of my life, this community of squeakers, degenerates, nobodies, somebodies, killers, dealers, escapees, and straight up motherfucking career cops, are all my friends and my virtual family. I might be back, I've been on hiatus for several months now, losing my rank as Corporal in the APD and being, once again, a constable. As a transgender girl, I often hear the term of my "dead" name but I'm not dead, its simply my "old" name, who I was before I finally found myself. "Patrick" isn't dead, that was 20 years of my life and on the outside, looking back, despite the problems I've had, it was a good life but now I'm beginning as who I've always been on the inside, my name is Emma, I am 21 years old, and life... is going to be interesting. Thank you and I love everyone, except for a few... but let's start over again.

Emma <3

Buck, Roice, Widsyy and 6 others like this
Link to comment
Just now, Patrick James said:

I guess that's a word to call it, an introduction for someone who has been around since February of 2016. I've seen the ups and downs of this community, made good friends (Love all of you guys) and made enemies as well (Fuck all you guys). The ups were good, the downs sucked, and everything in the middle was a mosh pit of jokes, laughing, giggling, dying, one taps, dying some more, and 3rd person peeking on bank... Dying was a common thing for me during my Asylum days, and it made it a lot of fun. I joined the server nearly 2 years ago and it was a blast, it was new and ArmA was a really cool game. I had a brand new gaming computer that I built myself and I was proud of it and it's been right there during the shit that's gone down on this server. The APD was one of the best things for me to take on, it was fun, it was serious, and I've learned a few things along the way and made some very close acquaintances and enemies all the same. I started playing under the alias Patrick James, my first name and my middle name, then started copying names from ArmA 3 AI like Andrew MacKinnon to name one of the ones I still recall. Then I started going by Padric, my Irish variation of my name as well as a last name that was so fucking hard to pronounce and spell, I didn't have the time to copy/paste it. But this isn't about the role I put on but the mask I've worn for many years of my life. Last May, after a long struggle of self identity, questions, crying, more crying, and nights where I couldn't sleep, it finally came clear to me and the closet door opened so to speak... I came out, and it was even more crying, questions, and long nights after that because fear of the unknown sucks. I didn't come out as gay or bisexual, something that our society is coming to understand and accept more and more, I came out as transgender... I came out as Emma... and goddamn it was both a relief and an overwhelming sense of what's next. For a few months I went to see a therapist to discuss my life and who I saw myself as and more importantly, who I wanted to be. My next goal was hormones, it was a long, scary road with fluffy clouds and rainbows at the end, I just had to get there and finally, I did. On September 19, 2017, I began my official transition from Patrick to Emma and it's been eye opening for me to say the least. We often bash people with depression, who are gay or bi or many of the other sexuality, who believe themselves to be this gender or that gender. We say that they have mental disorders or are less of a person and should be treated as such and we often treat them as lesser individuals. We treat people who have no idea who they are as a physical person and make them feel even less so, driving them to do unspeakable things to themselves and those around them. I'm not making a plea for everyone to be nice to others, but to keep this Forum clean and keep the shit I've already heard out of this chat. I'm opening up to this community because everyone here (mostly) has crossed my path once in-while and we've shared experiences that I still remember to this day. At the end of the day, Asylum was my family for 1,500 hours of my life, this community of squeakers, degenerates, nobodies, somebodies, killers, dealers, escapees, and straight up motherfucking career cops, are all my friends and my virtual family. I might be back, I've been on hiatus for several months now, losing my rank as Corporal in the APD and being, once again, a constable. As a transgender girl, I often hear the term of my "dead" name but I'm not dead, its simply my "old" name, who I was before I finally found myself. "Patrick" isn't dead, that was 20 years of my life and on the outside, looking back, despite the problems I've had, it was a good life but now I'm beginning as who I've always been on the inside, my name is Emma, I am 21 years old, and life... is going to be interesting. Thank you and I love everyone, except for a few... but let's start over again.

Emma <3

Welcome back!!! phenomenal read, wishing you nothing but the best! cya around

Emma, Kettles and BlackShot like this
Link to comment
Just now, Patrick James said:

You're proving your maturity but I'm used to, you can keep shit posting, this is honestly for the people who I've had actually encounters with and have friendships with, not keyboard warriors

yeah maybe you should've kept it between you and those people rather than posting it for the whole forums to see xd

Boris, Aidzo and Mayhem like this
Link to comment
Just now, Kettles said:

You chose the wrong community to open up to but with that said...

Welcome, Emma, remember to stay out of Kavala.

Oh I know but I've never had a problem with you Kettles, ^-^ we've always had a good time together and I missed playing with the good Tunnel Snake players

Kettles likes this
Link to comment
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...